Monday, September 1, 2014


i think this post is going to be a happy one! get pumped!

me and a dead periplaneta americana i found in my room. his name is president.
i have learned a lot in the past few months. i have learned about, love, heart break, grief, pain, euphoria, fear, kisses, hugs, self care and most importantly, self love. also punk rocki am going to share what i learned:


i have learned to accept love. love is something i am and worthy of and entitled to. in fact, everyone is universal and love can be understood by everyone. receiving love fills you with energy and good thoughts. receiving love gives you a butterfly tummy. a thank you, a handshake, a highfive, a hug, a sweet glance, a kiss, a 5 hour nap. these are examples of love. giving someone love can fill your brain and your heart with good feelings. your brain and your heart will be over flowing with good feelings.this is very cheesy… but i believe it to be very true.


i don't want to talk about this too much.but it is hard to loose trust in someone you love


i have been thinking a lot about dead people. i have been collecting people beliefs about dead people to form my own belief about dead people. I think that the human experience and soul are much too large to fit into a physical body. when the outer shell wears away with age or gets destroyed by tragedy the soul is constantly finding homes in different places. some days she is in the trees. some times she is in the smiles. she is always living in my heart. a very wise friend at camp told me that it doesn't matter if what i believe is real or not. it matters if i believe it because if i believe it that makes it real.


periods suck. hyper sensitivity sucks. when the metal cage around your spine pokes into your back? yeah that sucks too.


euphoria is achieved when surrounded by love. at camp this year, we had a trance dance. everyone is blindfolded and dances in a field for about an hour. the beginning of this experience was very painful. i was hit with a lot of bad memories and scary thoughts. but it ended in euphoria. when we removed our blindfolds i was surrounded by so much love. there were so many hugs and so much contact. my dear sweet firefly tree boy friend gave me a big big hug that gave me so much joy. i remember not being able to sleep because i was so happy. i just wanted to experience and live and scream and sing and make! lifeissogood.


this is worse than pain. fear can attack and not leave you alone. but you can get rid of it. 


kissing is fun and i highly recommend it to everyone


a hug can temporarily solve almost anything. the warm embrace of someone who loves you is my favorite feeling.


one of the most important steps towards self love. you cannot love yourself unless you take care of yourself. i have always loved aspects of my personality. i have always been proud of the person i am. at least this is what i thought for a very long time, but there is no way i could have loved or been proud of myself if i spent every night cutting myself and wishing i  was someone else. people can become so numb to disrespecting themselves. (drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, an unhealthy diet, cutting, negative self talk). cutting (heh disgustingly awful pun) these things out of your life and actually taking care of yourself makes loving yourself a lot easier.


THIS IS ONLY THE BEST THING EVER. I HOPE I CAN MAINTAIN IT FOREVER.  feeling true unconditional love for yourself is the most warm feeling. kicking self doubt is the butthole and believing in your ability to be yourself is something everyone should have. i freaking rock and there aint nothing any ones going to do about it!!!!coming from a place of complete self hatred to feeling this amount of self appreciation is something i am very very proud of.


seriously the best ever
<3 <3 <3

i love my best friends.
i love my elder punks.
i love everyone who makes me feel happy.
i love all my mommys and daddys.
i love my sister.

thats a picture of me, my sister, and our two cousins (love you guys too!!! xoxoxo)

thank you for reading this

also.... sorry that grammar wasn't a thing is this post


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. More love. More joy. More kissing. More hugs. More euphoria.

    Loving your posts.... Keep them coming. (Oh, and always more punk rock ;-))

  3. I just caught up on your last couple of posts. I love your writing Ruby. You are wise beyond your years. You inspire me. Sending lots of love and a virtual hug!

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